“I really wish I was Black” : Conditioning & Privilege

Quite often I have come across some people who feel the need to state that they wish they were a different race, largely with total well intention and that is a problem within itself. Over the weekend I was out with friends and got introduced to friend of a friend, skipping the conventions of conversation they just got straight to the point after names were exchanged to announce that they thought it was “pretty cool” that I was black and that they wish they were too. Now when this situation arises, frankly there is not a lot you can say in that moment apart from an awkward chuckle of thanks as you desperately look around for a familiar face or an alcoholic beverage but on further reflection, I think it’s always interesting to find out why someone would make a statement like that. Here are a few reasons that people in my experience have used to justify why :

I just feel so guilty ! – awww no ! has that naughty society and media conditioned you to feel guilty about the past again? This kind of cathartic self-pity just doesn't wash, neither of us should be apologising for who we are today.

You can dance ! – unless we have been out together on the dance floor throwing shapes and keeping rhythm, best not to make that assumption….I don’t think there is dance is a component to DNA. 

I just love black people ! – how lovely, thanks…I just love white people ! See how weird that is, think we’d all feel much better just loving people.

You have amazing hair ! – thanks that’s nice of you to say, it does take a lot of work to maintain ….now will you stop prodding it exclaiming how bouncy it is, don’t see me squealing in delight as I run my fingers through your straight hair.    

My feminism is intersectional as I believe women face oppression in a variety of configurations as well as on a variety of levels through life and I am passionate about striving for more equality and understanding. As a black woman, I am aware of the disadvantages my gender and ethnicity can bring me such as sexism and racism BUT I am also very aware that I have privileges and I will consider that during any exchange with another human being.

We ALL need to check our privilege before making throw away statements as we all have privileges in different situations. It is important that we all try to understand each other, our differences can unite us and ultimately the issues that one faces will affect all. The next time you decide to wish your heritage away, try to understand it instead and the heritage of the one you wish for and ask yourself why. Clearly you must like meeting people from differing cultural backgrounds if you’re ever in that situation which is great but stop the foot-in-mouth fascination and wishful thinking as it won’t make you better off being someone else, both will have pros and cons.

 So to quote Oscar Wilde, just....

Hx