NO-ing the Difference - I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR !

Little did I know of two particular encounters that lay ahead of my trip to London last Sunday. The first was a somewhat pleasant one, I had just been to see a friend perform in a wonderful production called 'Ninevah' at the Riverside Studios when a man came up to me in the foyer after the show and asked whether I was Ethiopian. I am, so I confirmed this and then asked him how he knew...apparently I have the 'look about me'. Now I  knew he was being one smooth dude but it did impress me, particularly because I was curious as to how a white Englishman could make that distinction. The conversation that followed was brief but engaging and he was very charming, I mean the guy said "enchante my dear" before we parted ways, even taking my hand and doing a slight bow....I was in Austen territory here ! 

Then things changed.....

I left the theatre and caught the tube towards the East, where I changed at Holborn and got on a very busy central line service to Liverpool Street. I ended up in a very tight spot surrounded by 3 men, now this didn't bother me until I realised that while 2 of them were trying to make as much room as possible for their own sake as I was for my own, one man right behind me kept moving closer. I tried to move away but it was so packed there was no where left to go and so I forged a small distance from him, using my bag at one point and anything I could physically do to keep as far away as possible....but this did not stop him as he pressed himself against me, leaving me cornered and stuck against a pole. I elbowed him a few times and gave him evils but he stared past me, and kept rubbing himself against me with every jolt of the train. Luckily a man in front left his seat to get off at St Paul's which I jumped at ! It did also leave me facing my harasser, clearly pleased with himself but who thankfully also left at that stop. 

What really surprised me was my reaction or lack of it as it may have appeared....why didn't I fight back verbally or physically ? well the utter British-ness in me really came out as I first tried reasoning that it was packed train and like me he was probably struggling to move but when I knew that it wasn't so, I took up a lamefight of elbowing and staring daggers to avoid making a verbal confrontation in fear of my own embarrassment. A far cry from the girl I was a school or indeed University, where my friends have never let me forget the night I punched a racist pervert to the floor of the nightclub we were at. I shoved and yelled at him a couple of times for making advances towards my friend who was clearly not happy about it to which he turned to me and said I should go back to where I come from on the ship that brought me here....well ladies and gents, I don't know what century he was from but most people use planes now a days and I certainly wasn't going back to Suffolk that night so I punched him! I'm not advocating violence but at least I stood up for myself and for my friend.

All one can do is learn from an experience and ponder in hindsight, the ability to find your braver side thus enabling you to live gregariously in a lost moment is beautifully tragic. Maybe it's a reflection of your old self who didn't take crap from anyone but now reserves that fighting spirit or maybe your reserved self longs for a fighting character. Whatever the reason, we sure do come up some corkers after a situation of things we wished we would have said, for example, I would have loved to say to Mr McPerv:

“erm excuse me mate, carry on pressing your prick against me and I will cause you both so much pain, you’ll be singing like an f***ing canary...alright!?”

– this was the Hazel who didn’t give a shit, and I miss her sometimes, but I know she's there and for sure that I will not put up with it again.

There is an amazing project on Twitter called @EverydaySexism which was brought to my attention by my friend Rebecca, where people have come together to share their stories and to raise awareness.  It made me realise how common and global this unfortunately is, so I did more research into sexual harassment on public transport and was shocked to discover the following :

In a poll taken by End Violence Against Women

• 41% of women aged 18-34 have experienced unwanted sexual attention

• 21% of all women have experienced unwanted sexual attention

There are positive steps are being taken, like Lambeth Council's campaign called Know the Difference which aims to offer support and promote awareness by encouraging the reporting of sexual offences as well as a zero tolerance stance. One of their main aims is focusing on changing the attitude and behaviour of men towards this which I believe is a very vital part. A woman has the right to travel with out fear, dress as she wishes with out fear, work with out fear, socialise without fear and just live without it ! 

No means f***ing No ! even if it's an elbow and death glare doing the talking.